today, my thoughts propelled me

so it turns out, good thoughts propel me further than bad ones.

today my thoughts propelled my 6km run — my longest in a LONG while. i don't know what came over me, but an endless stream of positive, creative, and happy thoughts js FLOWED with every step.

js 2 days ago i was lamenting in my journal abt how miserable the past month has been — i was constantly plagued by a nauseating uneasiness and uncertainty about my abilities, my future and my financial situation. i was so tired and drained from working and cld no longer slow down and appreciate the beauty around me, and was also too mentally tired and burnt out to read the news and prep for my interviews. my impulse control and walk w God had also gone to shit and i been feeling like nothing but an amorphous lump... GAH. i sent a weak little plea to God, wherever He was, to help me.

& ytd, after receiving [redacted]'s call, i genuinely felt as if the sun had emerged and pushed through SHEETS of heavy, black clouds. i was so energised at work ytd and that rly js spilled over and compounded today. i got thinking about the one quality i admire in every friend, about the beauty around me, and felt a palpable sense of hope & assurance about my scholarship performance & future. and ofc that inexplicable, beaming joy that i thought i'd lost.

maybe God is listening after all :-) beauty is truly in everywhere u look — as long as ure looking 🌞